8.29.2006

Back That Thang Up! (2: Unedited)

We assume that when Prometheus brought fire to mankind from the gods he intended us to use it for warmth and light. However, with the whole fire thing under control and he being the rebellious Titan that he is, I don't think he'd mind if we used a concentrated amount to back-up and burn a few DVDs as well.

Before we get into this wonderfully enlightening how-to, it should be understood that it is against federal law, and Zeus, to make unlicensed reproductions of copyrighted materials (pretty much everything ever), including DVDs and their contents. Punishments can range from monetary fines to being chained to a mountain while an eagle eats your liver every day.

Your favorite columnist and daily newspaper do not solicit or encourage law-breaking, so the following article is for educational use only.

If you purchased your computer within the past few years, it's very likely that your PC or Mac came with a built in DVD burner. If not, they can be found at Fry's, Best buy, and even Wal-Mart for under a surprising $80.

Like most blank media, DVD±Rs can be bought very inexpensively in bulk quantities. Blank discs come in two formats, + and -, but most new burners can write to either disc. The difference between the two is slight and mostly inconsequential (hence the ± symbol), so it's not worth extrapolating here.

It is important, however, to mention the Dual Layer disc. A standard DVD±R has about 4.7 gigabytes of storage space, while a Dual Layer disc has nearly double that capacity, because it obviously uses two layers of the disc instead of one. You know that short pause in the middle of a boring 3 hour epic? You didn't lose consciousness, that's just the laser switching layers on the disc. Again, most burners have the ability to write Dual Layer, you'll just need to use the proper discs.

To first import a DVD to your computer, you'll also need about 6-12 gigabytes of free hard drive space, and the very efficient and very free program DVD Shrink from www.dvdshrink.org/where.html.

After downloading, installing, and agreeing not to break the law, pop in your DVD of choice and click the button "Open Disc." After selecting the DVD drive, the program takes about 20 seconds to map out the entire contents of the disc. When it finishes, you can select or deselect audio and subtitle tracks, as well as adjust the level of compression for importing with the slider bar up top. You should really try to get it as close to 100% as possible, but if you're using standard DVD±R discs, you'll have to limit yourself to the 4.7 gig ceiling.

After you're done fiddling around, if at all, click the "Backup!" button and tell the program where to target the "ISO Image File". Once you hit "Okay," walk away from the computer and give the program about 25-35 minutes to import the DVD. It's a pretty sensitive and processor-hogging task, so go eat a Hot Pocket and read the rest of this newspaper.

When you hear the pleasant little chirp, the program's finished its dirty work and can be closed. You won't be able to watch the .ISO file on your computer unless you use another program that takes more explaining than I have space for. If you're curious about it, send me an email and I can explain that as well.

Next, you'll want to put one of those blank DVD±Rs in your burner and open whatever bundled burning application came with the drive. If you haven't one, free demos and purchasable copies of the aptly-named Nero can be found through Google. Most programs are similar and easy to follow; select the .ISO file, select the blank disc, click "Burn." This process is also about 20 minutes long, depending on the write speed of your burner, and also very sensitive. It's sensible to exit your other programs and leave your computer alone during this task, too. Once it's done burning, get out a marker and you're done!

Before you run off to buy blank DVD±Rs, we'd like to remind you that it is also illegal to rent movies for $3 and copy them, or to subscribe to netflix.com and get movies constantly and inexpensively delivered to you and sent back the next day.

Now that you have the ability to legitimately copy your cousin's wedding video for Grandma, we trust that Zeus won't need to send woe and punishment in the form of your brother's wife. If Pandora does become your sister-in-law, at least it won't be for DVD back-up and copying, right?